The Benchwarmers (PG-13)
Scott:
Scott: Tonight we are reviewing The Benchwarmers
, a movie about 3 'never was' athlete's revenge against preteen Little Leaguers.
What'd you think Mike?
Mike: I'm sorry, I really didn't get to see much of the movie.
Scott: Why not?
Mike: Dude, in case you didn't notice, I was in Mexico or something.
Scott: I watched the whole movie didn't notice you weren't there and I think I envy you a bit for missing it.
I guess I'll do another solo review.
It's hard to figure out where to begin with this movie. I guess I should start with who produced it, Happy Madison Inc. That means it's another comedy from the past stars of Saturday Night Live. It's not an Adam Sandler movie, though, it features other SNL players.
The movie starts out with two of our three main stars running into each other beside a Little League field in some nondescript suburban town. Somehow Rob Schneider, who stars as Gus, is cast as the 'tough guy' nerd in this movie. How you can cast him as a tough guy is something only Hollywood could tell you. He meets up with Clark, played by Jon Heder of Napolean Dynamite fame. Together they witness a defenseless child being picked on by a group of Little Leaguers. Not only do they break up the fight, but they challenge these kids to a baseball game, 3 players vs. 9.
Next we meet up with Richie (David Spade) and Richie's strange brother Howie (Nick Swardson). Howie is really odd; he doesn't like the sun, or the moon, or probably the stars at night. Try not to pay attention to Howie because he is not funny, and is in the movie just so they can add a few minutes to the movie's length. Back to Richie for a sec, he works at a video store, and he is a dork. Oh yeah, he's a perv too.
Gus convinces Clark and Richie to play ball and they meet up with the kids and play baseball. Gus is an incredibly good pitcher (against 10-12 year olds) and awesome hitter (again against 10-12 year olds, in smaller Little League parks). You have to know old guys (Benchwarmers) are going to win the game, otherwise, why would they make the movie?
After the Benchwarmers win the game they are approached by Mel (Jon Lovitz) and asked to compete against the area Little Leaguers in a tournament. The tournament is to win a stadium or something that Mel wants to build. I was never really clear on why the tournament was held other than it was necessary for the movie.
I could go into more detail of the plot, but really, that's just about it.
I'd like to say it's funny, the plot is great, the acting is great, and the movie was great, but I can't. At times, it seemed the actors knew the movie was going to be bad during the filming. There were some laughs throughout, but not many. While only 80 minutes long, it felt so much longer.
Some of the cool things you will see in the movie are at Mel's place. He has some really cool toys that most males would appreciate: life-sized Star Wars figures, the 60's Batmobile, and Kitt from Knight Rider (although the voice was a bit off).
There were also some sportscasters and athletes sharing time on the screen. Sean Salisbury of NFL Live and ESPN fame played an antagonist as one of the opposing team's coaches. Craig Kilborn, a former ESPN broadcaster, was another coach, as was Bill Romanowski. Dan Patrick made a brief appearance along with Terry Crews, who plays Julius on Everybody Hates Chris, in a poker game. All of the above were the 'jocks' who picked on the benchwarmers in their youth. Now, for some reason, all of these 'jocks' were gay. I really didn't understand that. I guess they were trying to get a few cheap laughs. It didn't work.
One tidbit you can only get here; Mel's house is the same house that was used by Alec Baldwin's evil boss character in Fun with Dick and Jane.
What did I think of it?
I didn't like it. The gross out humor was just gross, and the kindergarten humor was too childish for the PG-13 audience. I give it a 1 overall and a 1 for comedy. Not fun, not entertaining and not worth your time.
If you had to decide between being a benchwarmer or watching this movie, you should stay on the bench.
