Derailed (R)
Mike:
Scott:
Scott: Tonight we are reviewing Derailed
. This movie is your basic worst case scenario about what can happen when you decide to cheat on your spouse.
What'd you think Mike?
Mike: I was unimpressed. I was hoping for an engaging thriller, but it let me down. Very predictable.
What did you think?
Scott: It's funny because I wasn't sure what was going on to begin with, but it really was like a train on the wrong track. Eventually it got on the regular track and you knew where it was going. I liked the beginning, but then the credits stopped... Just kidding, it wasn't that bad. It really did go cliché in the end though.
Mike: It starts off kind of slow, but you keep thinking this is just the setup as you wait for the thrilling part. I was very disappointed with the thriller part.
Scott: I just don't see this as a thriller.
I should say that the movie stars Jennifer Aniston as Lucinda Harris and Clive Owen as Charles Schine. Through an accident, they meet, both are married, and then they have an affair.
Mike: Well sort of have an affair. Ultimately nothing happens, but some smooching.
Scott: Depends on what you term an affair. Is it the sex that makes the affair? Or is it the act of seeing someone outside of your marriage? I think it's about the intent, and the intent was there.
Mike: Were they lusting in their hearts, Jimmy Carter style?
Scott: Yes, exactly, you have to love Jimmy references. (BTW, for all those that don't know, he was President of the United States before Ronald Reagan).
Mike: Most people will know that, unless of course, they are your age or something.
Scott: You never know. We are here to educate and entertain.
Mike: Anyway, it probably would have been a full fledged affair until they are interrupted by a horrific event.
Scott: Should we say what that event was?
Mike: I think we have to say since this sets up the rest of the movie. Basically they get beat up, mugged and Aniston is raped.
Scott: I have seen several rape scenes in movies and this is one of the most graphic.
Mike: Really? Because I don't feel like you actually "see" much. It's kind of implied.
Scott: It was graphic in its sound, if nothing else.
Mike: I think the rape in The Accused was worse.
Scott: I don't remember that one; I was underage when it came out.
Mike: See, that's what I'm talking about.
You know The Accused was a long time ago, because it was back when Jody Foster used to actually make good movies. But, I digress. Again.
Scott: Hey, I'm young... So is Aniston. I like her, she seems real, more so than other actresses. Maybe it's because she has that girl from the neighborhood feel to her.
Mike: I like her and Clive Owen as actors and even as actors in this movie. I just think they are wasted in this film. It probably would have helped if they had a real writer and director. It looks like this is Swedish director Mikael Håfström's first Hollywood movie.
Scott: Yes, his first wide release. I wonder how he got the gig? These are big actors for a Hollywood directorial debut.
Mike: Exactly. This is how we get suckered into thinking it might be good.
Scott: The bad guy in the movie is Philippe Laroche played by Vincent Cassel. He is a really bad French guy, because French people scare so many in the world.
Mike: Didn't we just have a French villain in Legend of Zorro? I sense a trend. At least this French guy is an actually kind of scary.
Scott: Funny thing is, I didn't pick up his accent until halfway through the movie.
Mike: Cassel seemed familiar, but the only movie I recognize on his credits is Ocean's 12. So that must be it.
It's hard to believe, but the writer is one of the writers of Pirates of the Caribbean, a film I love.
Scott: That was a good flick. In this movie, Owen goes to the only black friend he has for help, because as we all know, all blacks know how to deal with crime. (LOL) That character, Winston Boyko, is played by RZA, cousin of Ol' Dirty Bastard and veteran of both Kill Bills. And as can only happen in movies, the situation quickly escalates from bad to worse.
Mike: It's interesting that they cast Rappers RZA and Xzibit in this film. There appeared to be no reason behind that.
Scott: I didn't see the connection either, but why should the casting make sense if the movie doesn't?
Mike: I think what drives me the most nuts about this movie is that the protagonist (big word-look it up Scott) has apparently never heard of policemen. He just keeps digging himself in deeper and deeper. The only plot device that I hate more is "wrongly accused guy in prison" movies (except Shawshank Redemption).
Scott: I guess they say that there are some true life events you couldn't write in a script. This movie is the flip of that; life doesn't ever work out this way.
Mike: There are also a lot of logic flaws. Clive withdraws $20,000 from savings to pay off a blackmailer, but his wife never notices. How about you Scott, do you think your wife would notice?
Scott: I tried to buy my wife flowers and before they were delivered, she knew they were coming.
Mike: Also, somehow he transfers the money by hitting the "delete" key. You are a computer guy, like me, how does that work?
Scott: Uh--No, and it was in an Excel spreadsheet at that. I would never want my Excel tied to my bank account. People, if you don't understand computers, DON'T put them in your MOVIE!
Mike: Correctamente!
Scott: Reminds me of a movie, 40 Days and 40 Nights (circa 2002). In that movie the lead actor guy is a web developer. The books on his desk and bookshelves were several years old when the movie came out. They just went to the store and bought anything that looked technical, it was ridiculous.
(Stepping down off soapbox)
Mike: Good idea, since the computer errors may actually be the least of this movie's sins.
Scott: The movie's plot boils down to blackmail, and there are so many better blackmail movies out there, that I wouldn't bother with this one.
Mike: The one good thing I can say about the movie is that it is definitely a tale that would scare most people away from even thinking about adultery.
Scott: Yeah, if you thought it was a bad idea before...
What do you rate this?
Mike: I rate this 2 out of 5 overall and a 1 out of 5 as a thriller. How about you?
Scott: I say 2 out of 5 overall as well. I can't rate it as a thriller because I can't even classify it as one. I give it a 1.5 out of 5 for drama. It wasn't really dramatic either.
Mike: IMDB.com says drama/thriller, so I guess we have that covered!
The tagline says "They Never saw it Coming", which is funny, because the audience sure did.
