Underclassman (PG-13)
Mike:
Scott:
Scott: Tonight we are reviewing Underclassman
about a young bike cop that goes undercover at a preppy high school to find a murderer.
So, what did you think Mike?
Mike: This is the Worst movie I have seen in a long time. I think it was supposed to be a comedy. I'm still waiting for something to laugh about, beside the plot.
Scott: I can't believe you didn't like this. It was a master piece... Nah, just kidding. It was really bad.
If I only had 1.5 hours left to live, I would watch this movie because that would be the longest 1.5 hours of my life!
Mike: You know you are in trouble when Cheech Marin is in it and he is not even remotely funny.
Scott: Every time I saw a scene with Marin, as Captain Victor Delgado, I kept thinking about Last Action Hero and how over-the-top the police Captain was in that movie. Cheech had almost the exact same lines.
Every cop movie has a Captain like that; they always say the same thing. Only this Captain lived in Beverly Hills and drove a 1965 Stingray Corvette (in mint condition).
Mike: Yes, how exactly was the Police Captain so wealthy? His house was enormous.
Scott: There were two funny parts in the movie, both were by Ian Gomez, as detective Richard Gallecki. He was on Drew Carey and a few other sitcoms a couple years back, he is a funny guy.
Mike: Yeah, but he wasn't too funny, considering how funny he was on Drew Carey.
Scott: Oh no, don't get me wrong, the movie was not funny. There truly were only two intentionally funny lines, he had them both.
Mike: I won't say I didn't laugh. The "serious" moments made me laugh. The whole movie was one giant cliché.
Scott: It was kind of like Not Another Teen Movie, but it wasn't supposed to be a spoof.
Mike: Some of the scenes were like scenes from Team America World Police, but I don't think they were supposed to be funny in this movie.
The amazing thing is it took like three guys to write this movie.
Nick Cannon was the lead. He is very likable, but he tries way too hard to be funny and he just isn't.
Scott: Yeah, he played Tracy Stokes, the lost Wayans cousin. Skinny, and goofy, does not always equal funny.
Mike: I think he is trying to be the next Chris Tucker or Eddie Murphy, but he is no Eddie Murphy. Not even the one that made Bowfinger.
Scott: Eddie's twin? No, not that funny.
Mike: At one point the chief is ready to give him one more chance after several screw ups-One more chance or the movie mercifully would have ended a half hour sooner.
Scott: I feel a bit sorry for Shawn Ashmore, as Rob Donovan, he was cool and collected as Iceman in X-Men, but in this he is just cold. You can't make this a good movie, and it seemed no one tried.
Mike: Kelly Hu was the other X-Men connection. She was in X2. I think there were a number of half decent actors who were here for a paycheck.
Scott: I thought she did well for her part. Not well maybe, but okay.
Mike: The director Marcos Siega has mainly directed TV shows. I hope he likes that, because this will not be his big break into motion pictures.
Scott: The best part of the plot was that the big boss man, Hugh Bonneville, was Headmaster Powers of the prep school. If ever there was a wussy bad guy, this is it. He isn't tough, and doesn't even look like he could break a sweat.
Mike: Oh my god, he was the worst. You may be giving something away here, but I think most people won't stick around long enough to find out.
Scott: No, I don't care about giving this away. If you make it through you are not hanging around for the plot.
Mike: At one point he yelled, "Shut Up!" and I think it was supposed to be commanding, but everyone laughed... Loudly.
Scott: Yes, the viewers were not supposed to laugh there, but everyone did.
Mike: I thought there was some hope as a couple of chase scenes materialized. But the camera work and editing were so bad, you couldn't figure out what was going on. I think you have to really try to screw up a chase scene with a Porsche 911 in it.
Scott: The funniest scene was when two police detectives were shot and no one called for assistance, officer down, etc. Cops could be dying and they forget to call. Yeah, ok!
Mike: No, the funniest lines where when Marin asks Ian Gomez if he took a dump on Marin's lawn? And he answers, no on his neighbor's lawn. I can barely breathe through the hilarity of it all.
This movie seems to be aimed at teenagers, but frankly I don't even know of any preteens who would be impressed with this mess.
Scott: No, it was made to capitalize on Nick Cannon's popularity, but it took so long to be released it may have missed out.
That and the movie sucking could also hurt its chances at the box office.
Mike: Before you even ask, I predict this movie will bomb big at the box office.
Scott: Yeah, me too. I saw that IMDB had this listed as a Thriller. What do you think? Were you thrilled?
Mike: Yeah, when I left.
I'm going to do something I never do. I am giving this movie a 1 out of 5 overall. Don't bother even catching it on the major networks for free.
Scott: What about your rating of this in a genre of teen action? I think that is a reasonable genre for this movie.
Mike: I'll go with that same 1 out of 5 for genre. It's bad when Herbie Reloaded ends up being more popular with teens than this will.
And you?
Scott: Ok, I am going to give it a 1 out of 5 overall and a 1 out of 5 for teen action as well. I don't think this will last longer than one week in the theatre. There are a lot of teen movies that I watch because the are mildly entertaining. This is not, nor will ever be, one of them. Skip it and never watch it and be happy you didn't. We suffered through this so you don't have to!
Mike: Underclassman should be put back under the rock it came out from.
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